That joke isn't funny anymore...

Life has one uncanny knack of biting you on the arse when you least expect it. And when you've not really got much of chance to bite the bastard back, an'all. So it was when the words "you're getting made redundant" filtered through my ample ears...

Well, alright, for the pedants amongst you that wasn't the exact phrase used at the time, as there was more than one of us. But that was the general gist of it. And so, a few weeks later after a load of stress, tension and a much-needed week off... And I'm now stuck with the harsh reality of being out of work and needing to find something sharpish.

I signed on today for the first time. Strange experience, although I'm looking forward to going to the upstairs office even less so. And the fact that I've got to cease claiming whilst I'm in France for a few days is a bit strange as well. "You won't be available at 24 hours notice for an interview." I'm going away for a fucking weekend. Ah well, at least watching Salford RLFC will take my mind off it.

Ah. Salford. I'm not sure there's too much I can say on here without making every other word a swear word. Although, admittedly, that'd be normal for myself. All I will say is this - we're going backwards rapidly. Nothing's changed since McRae came in and unless something changes soon we're snookered. It's going to be a long three years until the next franchise announcement.

Moving on. England in the West Indies... Hmm, again, not really something that's going to cheer me up! The Test Series was a facinating thing to watch, with England suffering from a mixture of bad luck and dodgy captaincy decisions. Strauss needs to learn when to declare, something which would've saved us the series. But never mind. The one-dayers seem to be more of a concern. The South African Ego being my main bugbear... I'm sorry, but drop him. His scores in this series have been woeful (12 in the first ODI,17 in the second ODI, 12 in the Twenty20, 3 in the third ODI) and he's being carried in the team on the off chance that he might pull off something brilliant to win us a match. When did that happen in any form of the game? Anyone else with that record would've been 'rested'. That bellend seems to have immunity. It's no wonder we struggle at times.

Anyway, I'm getting myself wound up, so before I leave, a word on FC United of Manchester. Some superb performances, including a 3-2 win away at Marine on Saturday (you scouse bastards!) have put us firmly in with a chance of getting into the play offs. The financial consequences of going up are another story for another time, but the fact that we've pulled our season out from nowhere to be in this position is a thing of wonder. Not bad for a bunch of Judas twats who'd have packed it in within 6 months.

Right, I'm off to squander my giro...

I don't like cricket...

This post comes on the back of watching highlights (snigger) of England's latest failure in India. Well, latest failure would've been just as apt. What is it that makes them so bloody useless? Once again the top order fail to make a big score and the middle order... Well, I don't need to say anything, do I?

It says it all when you're left watching the bowlers throw the bat about in a much better attempt to get the total looking somewhere near respectable. Although I'd rather see Samit Patel get a chance further up the order, but them that pick the team and that know more than I do. Apparently. Broad made a decent effort with the bat, too. I'm not going to pick on the bowling, as rough as some of it was at times, except to say one thing. Harmison. Useless Geordie tosser.

Anyhoo, my main gripe is with Flintoff, Collingwood and Pietersen. I'll leave Bell out of it, because we all know he's fucking shite. But the other three really should be doing much, much better. Collingwood's dismissal was weak and Freddie and KP (Copyright the media and everyone else stuck up their arses...) still haven't learnt to bat properly. It says a lot when their best innings have come when they've played defensive shots when needed, taken their time and built and innings. And the big shots have been effortless, unforced and done without too much thinking (arf...) and planning. Yet 95% of the time they think they can win games on their own, don't have to play proper shots and can fuck around to their hearts content. It might work against Bangladesh but it doesn't work against a team that's just recently made Australia look shite.

5 ODI's left before the Tests? It's going to be a long series...

On a lighter cricketing note... Robert Key and Suresh Raina... Surely separated at Birth? The Keys must've had an Indian milkman, I'm telling you!

Finally, a brief footballing interlude. FC United played Guiseley yesterday in the Unibond Premier Division, sorry, Northern Premier League Premier Division, in Guiseley. It seemed a nice little town, just a shame about the Leeds Service Crew nuggets who decided to show up and kick off with a non-league family club. Funny how they only turn up when they know the odds are in their favour? Thankfully the police were well on top of it all and it got no further than a lot of shouting and arm waving.

On the pitch a hard-fought 2-2 draw was an excellent result, although we should've won really. But you can't complain. We'd have lost that game a few months ago!

And this really is the final point... I'm now a qualified First Aider. Scary or what?!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to get my bat and do a bit of practicing. If that shower can represent their country...